At a crossroads

I don't know what to do. *indecisive*

Basically, as far as going to grad school is concerned, my main reasoning was that I couldn't afford it right out of college. And many of them want real-world experience and all that. But after some conversations with cg (mom), I have realized that I think going back to school and becoming a history professor would be an option for me. Because I love it. And teaching at a college level would give me a really nice atmosphere--I would love to work, for example, at my college. A small liberal arts school would be great. And there's so many other things you can do with a PhD. I could write for journals, and maybe even get a book published by a university press. But ... *sighs*.

I love to write. And I always have wanted to be involved in the literary world. I love editing. I'm in an Editing Certificate program at an esteemed university in my area right now. I like it. It's just SO FUCKING FRUSTRATING that no one seems to want to hire me. I can't just ... I'm working part-time right now. In retail. At a job that cannot give me the hours I'd prefer because they do it based on sales and how much money they have at their disposal. But I need money, so.

Anyway, the point is that I have realized that maybe there ARE graduate programs in the writing area that would be a good fit for me and would be an experience and resume plus. I never looked into it that much. But there's an M.A. program in Writing and Publishing at a school near me. There may be others. I will need to research this. (Gradschools.com, anyone? lol).

And yet, I am still going back and forth about which graduate program I want to pursue--and then there's the issue of the money, SWEET MOSES, THE MONEY, which I obviously don't have and would need to take out more loans for. And I would prefer to have a REAL JOB before I do any of this. I mean, I know I must be able to get whatever master's I choose at night, right? Oh, and my insurance issues, there's those, too. As in I don't have any, and am in the process of trying to get individual insurance because NO ONE WANTS TO HIRE ME.

*sigh* I know it's not just me. It's been 5 months, which is not unusual in this economy, or even in general. But I just wish I could get some INTERVIEWS ALREADY. Because I am going to show that whoever hires me will be making the best fucking decision of their life. No one will be more grateful for the job I get, and NO ONE will have the passion that I have and will put into my job. Because, quite simply, no one wants this more than me. I just want to do what I love and get paid for it. I want to enter the job market, and go to work every day and come home at 5. I want to do what I've always wanted to do. I want to use my talents!!! And it's just so aggravating that no one is letting me show that to them. I am likable. I am driven. And I am sincere and passionate. SO HIRE ME! GOD.

Anyway, there is this seminar at my university (where I'm getting the Editing Certificate) on how to get a job in editing tomorrow night---there's a "networking session" afterwards. I hope something (good) happens for me there.

Dear Creators/Writers/Producers of True Blood,

I love your show. However, I usually watch it late at night, and this time it was REALLY FUCKING DISTURBING and I just wanted to tell you that yes, it scared the shit out of me. And no, I still can't figure out what the HELL Mary Ann is supposed to be. Except pure evil. So good job with the crazy-ass suspense there.

In conclusion, I will continue to watch, but this episode was really unsettling. Also, keep showing Sam as much as possible, as he is PURE SEX OMGZ!

Sincerely,

Melissa *being creeped the hell out*

Wooooweee!

I'm a college graduate!

And have a bachelor's degree in English.

My brother asked me, "What are you gonna DO now, Meliss?" And so far, I've been recovering from a weekend filled with packing and moving (yesterday, out of the dorm) and today (sitting in the hot sun for 2 hours at the ceremony. Which was gorgeous, of course. It's still sinking in that I'm not a student anymore. CRAZAY!).

So at the moment, I'm drinking tea and watching Twister on TNT. Niiiiiice.

So, if we are going on the flower metaphor, I have "blossomed." Now some nice establishment needs to water me and give me a job. (I've applied to a few places, and no one has called. This is ... irritating, lol. Not to mention discouraging, but it's still early--I only JUST graduated officially, after all. I'm not freaking out. *tries to breathe* )

... haha. Ha. Oh MAN I'm tired! (And slightly sunburned.) Hopefully I'll be updating this blog more now that school's done. (For. EVAH! (If I want, that is.)) *yawns* I'll see if I can come up with anything good, or if it's just gonna be me rambling about whatever. We'll see, lol.

Oh, also I like paranthesis apparently. As a recently graduated English major and former Copy Editor of an award-winning college paper, I have no explanation for that. If you're an employer ... oh shit! *runs away* hahaha.

more randomness (at 3 a.m.)

So when I get old, I'm going to demand that I be referred to as "aged and regal."

... Oh, umm ... Well, maybe not "aged," but more like "wise and regal." That sounds better. Anyway, it's the name of this background I just found on the awesome Background Fairy's
site. I luff it. Also, I love the new blogs I've recently stumbled upon which are now residing in my blogroll (as if I needed anything else to distract me from Very Important College stuff). They rock, basically.

Mmk, I'm off to bed.

allergies ...

It hurts when I sneeze. Booooooo.

This post brought to you by procrastination. (My papers never end.)

we're not gonna take it ...

Ugh.

*sighs* I have reaaaally bad PMS right now. Like, so bad I fell asleep, woke up and it's still there. I don't like it, and I have another paper to do. I don't know whether I should sleep. Probably.

I don't understand why everything ends up being so hard. Is it my fault? I don't know. I don't want to admit it if it is.

This is so stream of consciousness. And vague. I apologize. But I need to vent I guess. :(

Why do I meet nice guys and then I can't seem to do anything about it. And then I do but nothing happens.

I need to get back on a better sleeping schedule. And I have a sinus headache. *sobs* And I can't seem to stop distracting myself from finishing this THREE PAGE paper. I feel so full of fail. *sadface*

I really like my new internship. It's the first one I've had and I get my own desk, computer, etc. I feel so privileged. And they listen to me. I like that too. Sometimes in general I feel like I listen to people better than they listen to me, and then I expect more from them. I really care about people and what they have to say, sometimes I think I take it personally when they just listen like averagely and not like me. I shouldn't though.

Alright. I'm sorry for the emoness or whatever, I'm going to bed now, haha.

*sobs*

Wow, I FAIL at customizing my page. As my brother would say, "NOOB!" (I can't believe it but yeah, the little (17-year-old) punk has actually incorporated this into his vocab.)

*headdesk* Maybe someday I'll have a cool page. For now ... uh, I have a great personality? lol.