At a crossroads

I don't know what to do. *indecisive*

Basically, as far as going to grad school is concerned, my main reasoning was that I couldn't afford it right out of college. And many of them want real-world experience and all that. But after some conversations with cg (mom), I have realized that I think going back to school and becoming a history professor would be an option for me. Because I love it. And teaching at a college level would give me a really nice atmosphere--I would love to work, for example, at my college. A small liberal arts school would be great. And there's so many other things you can do with a PhD. I could write for journals, and maybe even get a book published by a university press. But ... *sighs*.

I love to write. And I always have wanted to be involved in the literary world. I love editing. I'm in an Editing Certificate program at an esteemed university in my area right now. I like it. It's just SO FUCKING FRUSTRATING that no one seems to want to hire me. I can't just ... I'm working part-time right now. In retail. At a job that cannot give me the hours I'd prefer because they do it based on sales and how much money they have at their disposal. But I need money, so.

Anyway, the point is that I have realized that maybe there ARE graduate programs in the writing area that would be a good fit for me and would be an experience and resume plus. I never looked into it that much. But there's an M.A. program in Writing and Publishing at a school near me. There may be others. I will need to research this. (Gradschools.com, anyone? lol).

And yet, I am still going back and forth about which graduate program I want to pursue--and then there's the issue of the money, SWEET MOSES, THE MONEY, which I obviously don't have and would need to take out more loans for. And I would prefer to have a REAL JOB before I do any of this. I mean, I know I must be able to get whatever master's I choose at night, right? Oh, and my insurance issues, there's those, too. As in I don't have any, and am in the process of trying to get individual insurance because NO ONE WANTS TO HIRE ME.

*sigh* I know it's not just me. It's been 5 months, which is not unusual in this economy, or even in general. But I just wish I could get some INTERVIEWS ALREADY. Because I am going to show that whoever hires me will be making the best fucking decision of their life. No one will be more grateful for the job I get, and NO ONE will have the passion that I have and will put into my job. Because, quite simply, no one wants this more than me. I just want to do what I love and get paid for it. I want to enter the job market, and go to work every day and come home at 5. I want to do what I've always wanted to do. I want to use my talents!!! And it's just so aggravating that no one is letting me show that to them. I am likable. I am driven. And I am sincere and passionate. SO HIRE ME! GOD.

Anyway, there is this seminar at my university (where I'm getting the Editing Certificate) on how to get a job in editing tomorrow night---there's a "networking session" afterwards. I hope something (good) happens for me there.